For many people, being single means being free – free from having someone constantly telling you what you can and or can’t do, free from having to think about anyone but yourself. For many, being single is wonderful because you are finally free to do whatever it is you want to do when you want to do it. But does this mean that you are really free, or have you just convinced yourself that happiness means never having to answer to anyone but yourself?
Being single can be fun if you have recently come out of a long-term relationship. The challenge I see is that sometimes, when someone has been single for a longer period of time, the person may convince himself or herself of being content with the idea of possibly never meeting someone to pursue a relationship with. And maybe the single person really is content and life as a singleton turns out just fine. However, if you take time to be honest with yourself, you may decide that this isn’t your situation. You could be sabotaging your dating success by not taking a risk and opening yourself to the possibility that you may fall in love again with someone with whom you really have a connection. The question is, how can you overcome your fear of relationship failure and the self-denial that you may be ready for a relationship? How can you accept the exciting possibility that you actually may meet someone amazing again? I do believe that being single may be a choice, but I also believe that if you want to be in a healthy, loving, committed relationship, you have that choice as well.
Being a relationship and matchmaking expert has allowed me to work with thousands of singles for nearly a decade. This means that I have “insider information” as to why some singles find themselves single without ultimately wanting to be. Most singles I have interviewed or have worked with have told me they really don’t have trouble meeting people – they just have trouble meeting the right type of quality person that meets or exceeds their expectations for the purposes of pursuing a long-term relationship. If you are single and looking to meet the love of your life, then settling for someone who does not meet or exceed all of your expectations is not worth your time. Furthermore, the longer you find yourself without a partner, the more willing you may be to compromise what it is that you are really looking for in a serious relationship. How many people will you have to date before you start to question whether there really is a perfect match out there for you?
I believe that everyone who has been single for a longer period of time has already met his or her “perfect match” multiple times without realizing it. For most singles I have spoken to, this is something they are able to recognize as time goes by, and many may consider this person “the fish that got away.” This happens because most singles will spend a certain amount of time reflecting on whom they have dated in the past, which no doubt leads to the burning question of “Why didn’t that relationship work out? We really did have a strong connection, and we got along great.” Many people will convince themselves that it just wasn’t meant to be, which is what I consider to be a self-consoling statement. Sometimes it’s easier to believe that if a relationship were meant to be, then it would have worked out, rather than consider the possibility that maybe you actually do have control over the outcome of the relationship.
The grass is not greener on the other side. If you meet someone with whom you have a great connection, make sure you think twice about allowing yourself to sabotage a relationship with that person out of fear that you may get hurt if it does not work out. Take control of your personal life and make that relationship happen for yourself instead of sitting at home wondering how that fish got away again. If you focus on the positive when it comes to whom you date, then you may be surprised to find yourself in the relationship of your dreams. And remember this: If you buy a stronger fishing line, your next fish will not get away!
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